Getting More Out of Life
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The most recent instalment of my Getting More Out of Life ezine discussed the concept of “presence”, of –to put it simply- how to stay calm and at peace, even when your life or business seems to take you on an emotional roller coaster.
I received questions about this ezine, mainly regarding the concept of “ego”. Some people didn’t fully grasp what I meant with ego, or thinking mind. Here’s a further explanation.
Bear with me; this ezine is longer than usual, but I really want you to get this. I know it could be the key to unlock people’s personal and business fulfilment!
When we are born, we really haven’t got a clue who or what we are. There is no identification with anything. Yet, as we grow up, we start to see forms or shapes that are NOT us: a “form” that seems to be around us all the time (that’s your mum), a “form” that seems to be around quite often (that’s your dad), other “forms” (brother, sister), a “form” that seems to provide shelter and comfort (your fluffy bunny or bear), some “form” you lie on (your bed), etc. etc.
Through constantly observing who you are NOT, you start to get a sense that you are separate from all these things, whereby a concept of “I”, or I-dentity begins to develop. All the forms around you then –paradoxically- become part of your concept of you, they become part of who you are! You can I-dentify yourself through them.
Over the years, this process goes on and on. You talk about “my” friends, “my” country, “my” job, “my” money, “my” wife/husband, “my” thoughts, “my” history and “my” future. Talking about them in that way, you get to see all these concepts as part of who you are. Now this is your ego.
What ultimately happens is that you can pretty much only positively identify yourself by looking at all the “forms” you have made part of you. Outside those forms, there hardly is any sense of SELF.
So…..what do you think happens when one or more of these concepts are taken away from you? Right, you lose part of yourself! This is why many, many people are totally upset when they lose their job: they lose part of their identity! The same goes for losing a wife/husband, child or friend, but also for losing money, losing a house, losing health.
It’s what happened to me when I quit law. My identity as a career minded corporate lawyer was suddenly blown out of the water, and I lost a HUGE part of ME, of my identity. No wonder I lost my perceived sense of self, and communicated to everyone who wanted to hear it that “I was lost”.
My personal conviction has always been that we are WAY more than all the things we identify ourselves with and through. There is a driving force in us, a BEING, that cannot be identified as such, but truly makes us who we are. You see it most easily when we die: the body will still be there, but the life giving force that was US is gone. “The soul has left”, we say.
Now as an awareness coach and mentor, I make a point of telling my clients that, as long as they identify themselves with things around them, they will always feel a sense of insecurity and emptiness. Why? Because every-thing around us is temporary, will ultimately leave us. And then we lose part of our so called identity and are still not fulfilled……
This is the reason why we always seem to be chasing for more; more money, more prestige, more recognition, more safety, more security, more stuff. We think that, by acquiring more, we can find more of ourselves, and be happy with who we are. Still, a very true Dutch saying goes: possession is the end of pleasure. Once we have something we want, we enjoy it for a while, and then start looking at something better, more expensive, more elaborate, more effective, etc. This is a continuing cycle. Just think about your car; are you truly enjoying it as much as you did the day you got it? Or are you furtively looking at the next model already?
In theory, the solution is simple: stop identifying with things and people around you. Recognise that you are WAY more than the all the external realities. Be IN the world, not OF the world. This will give you an internal sense of fulfilment and enthusiasm, which will automatically start to translate into worldly success and achievement –without the ego-attachment! Your personal and business success will be guaranteed, because YOU are “in the flow”!
The practice is slightly tougher than the theory, though! In my previous ezine I gave you some tips to start becoming more NOW, more present.
Becoming aware of yourself, regardless of the people and things around you, is the way out. Or actually, the way TO, namely, to yourself, the REAL you; the immortal being, changing in and out of form. I will elaborate more on this topic in the June issue of this ezine, as I think it is of paramount importance that we become more aware of who we truly are.
The direction in which our planet is headed shows a future divide between people totally lost in external identification (ego minded people), and people who have become more aware, and realise that SELF can be only found within, and never without. Understand me correctly, neither one of the two is inherently “better” or “worse” than the other. The Law of Cause & Effect, on the other hand, will bring about different results for both groups. I know which group I prefer to belong to.
Set a Landmarc:
Firstly, notice 5 areas in your life where your sense of self is dependent on outside circumstances. These could be your career, your financial status, your family status, your health, your education, your country, your upbringing, etc. Where have you formed an identity of YOU around these external items?
Secondly, the litmus test for your attachment and identification to and with things is this: what would your reaction be if you lost that thing or person? Gentlemen: if you buy a brand new car, and your neighbour –whom you allowed to have a spin- writes it off completely, do you then feel hurt? Or can you smile, feel good about yourself and say: “ah well, it’s just a car”? In the first instance, you are attached!
Ladies, if you really do your utmost to look ravishing for a night out, and someone comes out of the crowd and spills coffee over your satin dress, do you then feel hurt? Or can you smile, feel good about yourself, and say: “ah well, that’s what they’ve invented washing machines for!”. In the second option, you are not attached.
Thirdly: observe where you are defensive about things, people, and opinions. If someone doubts your point of view, or brings your family in discredit, do you then react? If so, part of your identity lies with your opinions and family.
Lastly, start realising that there is nothing wrong with identifying externally. We all do it, some more than others. Also realise, though, that something will always seem to be missing as long as you do that. The universal question “who am I?” –and everyone will ask that question one day!- can never be answered by looking outside yourself. Only looking and reflecting within will allow you to have an experience of who you truly are.
Ultimately, knowing who we are is our life’s purpose. It will assist us in creating everything we want; The Law of Attraction will constantly provide, whether in your business or private life, because your thoughts are in line with awareness.
The most recent instalment of my Getting More Out of Life ezine discussed the concept of “presence”, of –to put it simply- how to stay calm and at peace, even when your life or business seems to take you on an emotional roller coaster.
I received questions about this ezine, mainly regarding the concept of “ego”. Some people didn’t fully grasp what I meant with ego, or thinking mind. Here’s a further explanation.
Bear with me; this ezine is longer than usual, but I really want you to get this. I know it could be the key to unlock people’s personal and business fulfilment!
When we are born, we really haven’t got a clue who or what we are. There is no identification with anything. Yet, as we grow up, we start to see forms or shapes that are NOT us: a “form” that seems to be around us all the time (that’s your mum), a “form” that seems to be around quite often (that’s your dad), other “forms” (brother, sister), a “form” that seems to provide shelter and comfort (your fluffy bunny or bear), some “form” you lie on (your bed), etc. etc.
Through constantly observing who you are NOT, you start to get a sense that you are separate from all these things, whereby a concept of “I”, or I-dentity begins to develop. All the forms around you then –paradoxically- become part of your concept of you, they become part of who you are! You can I-dentify yourself through them.
Over the years, this process goes on and on. You talk about “my” friends, “my” country, “my” job, “my” money, “my” wife/husband, “my” thoughts, “my” history and “my” future. Talking about them in that way, you get to see all these concepts as part of who you are. Now this is your ego.
What ultimately happens is that you can pretty much only positively identify yourself by looking at all the “forms” you have made part of you. Outside those forms, there hardly is any sense of SELF.
So…..what do you think happens when one or more of these concepts are taken away from you? Right, you lose part of yourself! This is why many, many people are totally upset when they lose their job: they lose part of their identity! The same goes for losing a wife/husband, child or friend, but also for losing money, losing a house, losing health.
It’s what happened to me when I quit law. My identity as a career minded corporate lawyer was suddenly blown out of the water, and I lost a HUGE part of ME, of my identity. No wonder I lost my perceived sense of self, and communicated to everyone who wanted to hear it that “I was lost”.
My personal conviction has always been that we are WAY more than all the things we identify ourselves with and through. There is a driving force in us, a BEING, that cannot be identified as such, but truly makes us who we are. You see it most easily when we die: the body will still be there, but the life giving force that was US is gone. “The soul has left”, we say.
Now as an awareness coach and mentor, I make a point of telling my clients that, as long as they identify themselves with things around them, they will always feel a sense of insecurity and emptiness. Why? Because every-thing around us is temporary, will ultimately leave us. And then we lose part of our so called identity and are still not fulfilled……
This is the reason why we always seem to be chasing for more; more money, more prestige, more recognition, more safety, more security, more stuff. We think that, by acquiring more, we can find more of ourselves, and be happy with who we are. Still, a very true Dutch saying goes: possession is the end of pleasure. Once we have something we want, we enjoy it for a while, and then start looking at something better, more expensive, more elaborate, more effective, etc. This is a continuing cycle. Just think about your car; are you truly enjoying it as much as you did the day you got it? Or are you furtively looking at the next model already?
In theory, the solution is simple: stop identifying with things and people around you. Recognise that you are WAY more than the all the external realities. Be IN the world, not OF the world. This will give you an internal sense of fulfilment and enthusiasm, which will automatically start to translate into worldly success and achievement –without the ego-attachment! Your personal and business success will be guaranteed, because YOU are “in the flow”!
The practice is slightly tougher than the theory, though! In my previous ezine I gave you some tips to start becoming more NOW, more present.
Becoming aware of yourself, regardless of the people and things around you, is the way out. Or actually, the way TO, namely, to yourself, the REAL you; the immortal being, changing in and out of form. I will elaborate more on this topic in the June issue of this ezine, as I think it is of paramount importance that we become more aware of who we truly are.
The direction in which our planet is headed shows a future divide between people totally lost in external identification (ego minded people), and people who have become more aware, and realise that SELF can be only found within, and never without. Understand me correctly, neither one of the two is inherently “better” or “worse” than the other. The Law of Cause & Effect, on the other hand, will bring about different results for both groups. I know which group I prefer to belong to.
Set a Landmarc:
Firstly, notice 5 areas in your life where your sense of self is dependent on outside circumstances. These could be your career, your financial status, your family status, your health, your education, your country, your upbringing, etc. Where have you formed an identity of YOU around these external items?
Secondly, the litmus test for your attachment and identification to and with things is this: what would your reaction be if you lost that thing or person? Gentlemen: if you buy a brand new car, and your neighbour –whom you allowed to have a spin- writes it off completely, do you then feel hurt? Or can you smile, feel good about yourself and say: “ah well, it’s just a car”? In the first instance, you are attached!
Ladies, if you really do your utmost to look ravishing for a night out, and someone comes out of the crowd and spills coffee over your satin dress, do you then feel hurt? Or can you smile, feel good about yourself, and say: “ah well, that’s what they’ve invented washing machines for!”. In the second option, you are not attached.
Thirdly: observe where you are defensive about things, people, and opinions. If someone doubts your point of view, or brings your family in discredit, do you then react? If so, part of your identity lies with your opinions and family.
Lastly, start realising that there is nothing wrong with identifying externally. We all do it, some more than others. Also realise, though, that something will always seem to be missing as long as you do that. The universal question “who am I?” –and everyone will ask that question one day!- can never be answered by looking outside yourself. Only looking and reflecting within will allow you to have an experience of who you truly are.
Ultimately, knowing who we are is our life’s purpose. It will assist us in creating everything we want; The Law of Attraction will constantly provide, whether in your business or private life, because your thoughts are in line with awareness.
posted by Marc | 4:45 PM
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